Navigating change
Change.
A relatively small word, but one with a vast and meaningful impact.
We each have our own relationship with change, some more complicated than others. Different triggers, different ways of coping and handling change, and ultimately different perspectives on the importance of change in our lives.
Therapy is a place where the issue of change is ever present - I could argue that changing one’s self or altering their perspective is the main reason why someone may find themselves seeking this type of support.
So, if change is the goal and potentially the trigger, how do connect the two? Two words – acceptance and control.
One of my favorite sayings is that “the only constant in life is change” a quote that originated with the ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus of Ephesus, who eventually argued that change was a universal law in some ways and that it was paramount to the universe and world that we live in today. Change exists all around us. For example, our seasons are always changing, nature is constantly evolving around us causing us to adapt and cope with the change in temperature and welcome a new season. New leaves form, plants grow, and we welcome fall and spring as turning points in the year. Change also exists within us, like the decisions we make when it comes to family, relationships, jobs, home location, and interpersonal growth. Control and acceptance play delicate roles in dealing both with the changes around us and the changes within us. It’s a dance between the two, ebbing and flowing and often that is where our friction, apprehension or even triggers occur. Am I trying to control something that is out of my control? Am I having a hard time accepting a change in my life? What about acceptance of something is out of my control? Or accepting something that is within my control and maybe I didn’t make the right decision for the outcome I wanted. It’s all connected, my friend.
We must learn to accept that change happens in our lives; no matter what’s happening change is always occurring. Some brought onto us, others we bring onto ourselves. Some good, some bad, and some maybe even neutral. To accept something is akin to an action that we take. It’s a word with movement behind it. We must take the step of acceptance in order to act upon it and live in it.
Control on the other hand, is a delicate balance of moving in between the exterior world and our interior world. We have autonomy and agency but we are also just one individual in a world with billions. Some things are truly out of our control but aspects of it, like our reaction or what we do with it are in our control. See the interplay? When we live too much on either side of the spectrum, one side being everything is in my control if I just try hard enough, we struggle. The other side, where nothing is in my control and everything happens to me, we also struggle. We must live in the balance of the two.
If you struggle with change, or are navigating a significant change in your life, I encourage you to contact me for a free, 15 minute consultation. Change is hard, but can be so much harder when navigating it alone. Let’s explore together.
